Monday, 30 April 2007

Hanging on the Telephone

One of the things that held me back from weblogging before now is that I am by nature a moody swine, and I worried that not only would this become apparent as I weblogged but worse still a pattern to my moodiness might become clear -"Oh look, ridiculously chirpy, then two weeks after utter despond as per usual!"

It would be bad enough that becoming clear to others, of course, but it becoming clear to me, that would be even worse.
It's not even information you can do much with- "You're hitting one of your grumpy spells, Ian," "Really? Am I? Well I never! How useful to know. What am I supposed to do with that information? Will the knowledge cheer me up do you think, or possibly make me grumpier still?"

Avoid talking to people who're that grumpy (particularly if they're yourself and you're in public).
The point is knowing you're not in control of your situation, doesn't help you if you're... not in control of your situation.

Anyhow, I decided to share my drivel, anyhow, and here I am being grumpy, and as far as I can tell there is no discernible pattern to be unpicked from my ramblings here that can help you spot when that mood's going to come or go.

Pleasingly, I think I'm grumpy with good reason, not just because it's grumpiness turn just now. I'm grumpy because I'm in limbo on some of my projects at the moment, which means I'm having to simultaneously imagine the worst, hope for the best and not get too fixated on either eventuality. This means I can't plan with any certainty what I'm doing, like I say it's when you're not in control of your situation it gets tricky.

I've three projects on the go right now, one I've just had a draft contract through I need to parse with a fine-toothed comb, one I'm expecting a contract for (which has been coming this Friday every Thursday for a month now) today or tomorrow, and the other's at the stage where thumbs are provisionally up but could wobble to down any minute. On two of them I'm awaiting emails that'll give me a clue if things are going as I might hope or not. If all runs smoothly these jobs will be keeping me busy and solvent through into the Autumn and Winter, if all doesn't, I'm a lot less comfortable.

So I'm waiting, ready to react, trying not to pre-empt, getting grumpy, hanging on for 'phone calls and emails when I could be out having my hair cut.

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